I read a book a couple of years ago entitled So Much More, written by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin. This book changed the way I think... I would argue that it was the beginning to my change of thought on so many issues. I think I was in grade 11 or 12 at the time. I won't go into it now, as I want to focus on these girl's most recent book: It's (not that) Complicated.
The over-arching question this book asks is, "What's a girl to do about boys?" Good question right? I think we, as girls, ask this question daily. And how we answer this question determines how we view relationships, guys and essentially all relationships in our lives. And, yes I said ALL RELATIONSHIPS, for our view on relationships with guys stems out of our view of the family, the roles of men and women, etc.... and the relationships in our families, i.e. dad and mom, brothers and sisters, comes out of that as well.
That is why I am writing a book review of sorts before I have even read the whole book. I was strongly convicted at this point, and felt I couldn't keep reading before I gave this topic some good thought and application in my own life.
The first couple of chapters lay the ground work for the proper, biblical view of relationships. And then we arrive at chapter 4: Relationship Boot Camp - Back to square one: How to be sisters to your real brothers. I find this is the hardest thing to do. Our families seem to get all the moodiness and unpleasantness. We don't help out at home near as willingly as we help out at someone else's home. We tend to hold more resentment against our family. Yes, we know them better, but that doesn't give us any excuse.
Our home is to be our training ground. It is where we learn to get along with others, ignoring their quirks and learning to deal with their problems. Where we learn to serve others and share the love of Christ with them. How are we to someday serve our husbands and family if we can't even make do in our own homes right now?
Our brothers are also place in our lives (if we have brothers that is) to help us 'practice' on them. I won't go into tons of detail, you can read that on your own when you get the book. ;) I do want to highlight some principals that the Botkin sisters share in interacting with our brothers, as well as other boys and men in our lives. They call these principles the "Five Habits of Highly Effective Sisters".
1. Demonstrate Respect: How are our brothers and other men around us going to respect us if we don't give them due respect and (lovingly) demand respect out of them?
2. Let them assert themselves, lead and teach you things: Give them opportunities to lead. Allow them to teach you things, even if you are older than them. Yes, they might fail, but encourage them and allow them to learn as well.
3. Talk with them: How are you to cultivate a relationship with someone if you don't even talk to them about both the insignificant and the great things in life?
4. Become part of their world: Take interest in what they do. Don't dismiss their likes and dislikes because you think they are 'dumb' or simply don't get it because you are not a guy. For example, don't say fishing and hunting are boring and dumb because you don't get why they like them and you think they are extremely boring. Take interest and ask them questions about it, no matter what you think.
5. Repent of past wrongs: We need to forgive each other to have a proper, healthy relationship with them. It doesn't matter who they are, but it is especially important to forgive one another when you live under the same roof. And don't let things fester. Forgive one another right away, as to not hinder your relationship with that person.
I found these five principles really, really helpful and very convicting as well. They are practical, and so very important.
*** I have now read the entire book, and it is just as good as the beginning is!!! I encourage every girl to pick up this book and read it. Even if you just get to chapter 4, you will still have learned so much, you will not regret buying it!!! You can get it online from the Botkin Families publishing company, the Western Conservatory as well as from Amazon.com. I got my copy from Reformed Book Services and Brantford, and it was cheaper there than even on Amazon!! :) ***
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